Five Things I Experienced on Inauguration Day

by Lydia Daffenberg

1) seeing one of the Bush daughters (the blonde) giving the sign of the horns
You know, like at a concert. Pinky and pointer finger up and the middle two held down by the thumb. Daddy was busy waving to people from a stage and there was the family--just hanging back. What's a girl to do when bored following daddy all over the country to ensure a cushy allowance and perk benefits? She was probably thinking, I-am-so-bored, I-am-so-bored, I-am-so-bored. I know! Flash the horns a few times! Yeah!
The best part was when a man from the audience signed it back! Rock on. Where's a lighter when you need one?

2) hearing a Fox News broadcaster misquote a group of protestors' chants when asked what they were saying by her fellow news broadcaster
She listened for a moment and said they were saying: Hey Bush, whadd'ya say, how are you feeling today? instead of the correct chant: Bush, Cheney, whadd'ya say, how many babies have you killed today? Because--I'm sure the protestors were concerned about the president's well-being. (Turns out she never was any good at the part of the english test where you have to figure out a word's meaning from the context of the sentence.)

3) hearing a man exclaim "Fuck Bush" repeatedly LIVE on CNN

4) seeing Bush's vehicle in the motorcade accelerating past a stretch of protestors with four secret service men at an easy jog alongside the vehicle
(Bush all-the-while thinking La-la-la-la-la I'm not listening! He looks away blocking the proles from his senses. This is MY day!)

5) feeling left out
This $40 million dollar extravaganza was funded almost completely by taxpayers. Dang! Why wasn't I invited to the luncheon? I would have enjoyed catapulting my peas toward many-a-number of folk in that room! Fuuuun. Well, no matter. They probably got my address or name wrong. I'm sure you got an invite, though, didn't you? I would suggest we use the money on needed equipment for the soldiers at war or for healthcare, education, the homeless, stem cell research or for tons of other areas of civilian need; you know, use the money pragmatically. But that would be downright silly of me.